hope

it's my birthday tomorrow and i'm not even sure if i feel like celebrating. last year was just an ordinary day (as always). i don't even know if i would still cling to the minute hope that making wishes and blowing candles could bring me to get the things that i wanted. sad. yeah. not to mention the fact that i don't really know what to want anymore. hope, is one word, that i'm afraid would vanish from my system pretty soon. when everything you had hoped and prayed for wasn't noticed, you succumb to this feeling of being trapped inside something so massive you don't have full knowledge of and which you could hardly overcome. you want to get to the other side of the world you are locked in yet you are already numb to even attempt hoping. wanting to see what lies beyond bugs you but it alone can't get you there. sad to say, you're stuck. you can't move. it's hard to breathe. so what you do? you just close your eyes and let the events take their course since they say "everything happens for a reason". you end up being helpless.

for whatever making wishes is worth, i just wish that my heart would still find place for something called hope. and in this birthday, i hope that's gonna happen.