at a crossroad...

It’s been a while since my last post… so I’m finally writing another one... (Thank God I have no work tomorrow so I can stay late tonight!)

Just the other night, my friend Sam and I were talking about the latest buzz and oohss/aahs in our lives (what we’ve been up to the past days…) I just said that I bought a new pair of glasses (since the last one was not really aesthetically friendly plus I thought there was something wrong with the grade of its lenses…) anyways, this new one is kinda nice (but also quite expensive…hmf! So I hope they would really look good on me! Otherwise, I just wasted a good amount of money!) So Sam went on with her usual comments and rants (like iba na ang mayaman!, and so on…) She had to say how “mundane” I was (but really I’m so not like that!) to spend that amount on just a pair of eyeglasses! So I just responded with the excuse that it’s a necessity, not a want (for me)… Moving on, we happened to talk about our next gimmick (since the Eastwood block thing that we earlier planned unfortunately was cancelled because of conflicts with people’s schedules… haay… iba na ang buhay namen ngaun tlga! T_T). She then asked me if I was interested to come at a law students’ open bar party in Makati where one of her friends invited her. I hesitantly replied with a maybe since I said I badly needed DIVERSION nowadays anyway because of this some sort of emptiness and hollow emotion that I’ve been feeling for quite some time now. Another friend, Xyndi, and I chatted about it the previous days – referring to it as a TRANSITION in our lives – a CROSSROAD, whichever way you’d like to call it – since having gone through college and entering the adulthood stage brings to us new responsibilities (and worries, unfortunately!).

Anyways, here are the excerpts of our conversation (we did it in Friendster – posting comments on each others’ page! Haha!..) This one starts with my response to Sam’s invitation to the party… Here, we described exactly how we feel these days (not to mention English ito! haha!)… What really that crossroad/transition thing that we’re talking about…

jebb
yeah... il see if i can make it! we really need to talk 'bout things.. 'coz as xyndi says, "baka maloka ako".. hahaha...transition, crossroad, whichever way you'd like to call it, is really frightening in a way.. haay... (OMG! Your love is playing in my player as i'm typing this!)

Sam

im so glad im not alone that im feeling like this! transition, crossroads, whatever you call it, it really sucks... actually i read this book and it sums up what im feeling right now. this is the unabridged version of my shoutout: I trudged along through each day in its turn, rarely looking up, eyeslocked on the never-ending swamp that lay before me, planting myright foot, raising my left, planting my left foot, raising my right,never sure where I was, never sure I was headed in the right direction,knowing only that I had to keep moving, one step at a time.grabe! its perfect diba?!? perfect to mull over especially with a shot glass (or several) of tequila! your love?!? you got it bad, my friend... haha!

jebb
that's funny 'coz i thought i was the only one who's feeling this way..then xyndi and i talked.. now,there you are! welcome to the club!haha!!lend me that book when you're done..pls?.. hehe...you wouldn't believe what i've been doing just to have diversion! haay... i felt some sort of emptiness and thought i wasn't happy.. owel, in pursuit of happiness here!.. hekhek

Sam
so should we call this the "transition club?" haha... i nominate xyndi as the president... i nominate myself as the muse... hahaha.... grabe noh!do you ever feel like you're walking in a very familiar path, then suddenly, you realize that from the very start, you have been walking blindly? now that you realize it, you feel like there's this gaping hole inside of you... you distract yourself with worldliness, with the mundane (sorry fave word) but none of it ever fills that hole... then suddenly you're drowning, you scream at the top of your lungs but it does nothing to help you... then suddenly its pitch black... then you just sit there until you get used to the dark...so am i the only one who is having a depressive episode here? hahaam i making sense?

jebb
that's absolutely how i feel!as a proof of that, i bought some of these stuff... went out a lot... but still feel some sort of emptiness...looking for happiness seems like a very hard task. i actually kinda miss college.. when all we had to think of was to pass each test however millions of them come our way...haay...we at least felt secured from the worries of the world...now that we're at this stage, we're being haunted by things that we sort of gave up during that period... uhmm... owel, relationships may be one...our goals in life may be another...but the most frightening question is what we'll become a few years from now...what dreams we're gonna pursue...where we'd end up...haay...

Sam
i think uncertainty is the greatest fear... that's why people (including us) are afraid of the unknown. death, the supernatural and of course, the future. so we immerse ourselves in this so called "enjoyable" activities. but the truth is it could never erase our fears, solve our problems. it just makes our lives spin out of control. true, life has become more complicated since college. i envy those people who are blissfully ignorant and those who know what they want. those who are "happy" with their dream job, dream gadgets, dream etc. all the while, we thought that we would be happy if we get THE job, THE money, the works. but it will only cover that hole temporarily. then you suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, cold water rushing through your veins and asking the question "where am i exactly headed right now?" you think until your head hurts. and even press your ear against the walls as if they would give the answers. to no avail... =(

Sam

where do we find the answers? i try really hard to find them but sadly i cant... sometimes, i think that we are too caught up in this superficial world we live in that our "efforts" to find the answers is only as much as lifting a finger... our lives are basically a routine: get up in the morning, get to work, get paid, eat, get involved in a useless hobby, sleep... now the uncertainty is trying to interrupt the routine... and what do we do? we are fully aware of it but we make ourselves "vaguely" aware of it... ignore it until suddenly it comes right in front of you that you can't ignore it anymore... then we just crawl into our dark little shells and hide from the world... we take a peek occasionally to see what we could do... then we see the intensity of the problem, and we hide again...when will we ever be ready? where will we look for the right answers? when can we come out of our hiding places? cliche as it may sound, i guess only time will tell..

jebb
hey perky sam! i hope u now get it why i was hooked on "vienna" by billie joel for a while now..though the lyrics wasn't absolutely true for us, some of the lines were spiritual in a sense that they speak of our uncertain path.plus the fact that that scene in 13 going on 30 where jen's character reunited with her parents reminds us that even though as adults, we once in while succumb to that "child" in us...we hide in that shell and shut ourselves out from the world, eventually with the goal of being a stronger and defined person.here are just some of the lines..."Slow down you crazy childYou're so ambitious for a juvenileBut then if you're so smart tell me whyAre you still so afraid?Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?You better cool it off before you burn it out"

jebb
"You got your passion you got your prideBut don't you know that only fools are satisfied?Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come trueWhen will you realizeVienna waits for you"-it breaks my heart everytime i hear it.. but i still listen to it...

Sam
vienna sausage? haha... i dont eat it, i hate the meaty taste... haha... its amazing how sarcasm makes me survive each day... so much for the ranting... let's sleep now because we will live our dark and twisted lives tomorrow again.. and again... and again...

Yun… That’s what happened! That was the first time that Sam and I talked seriously… (Uhmm….if I’m not mistaken. Hehe… ‘coz we were these perky people from the block who would just laugh and laugh at life’s problems when still students…) But now, it’s kinda mind-boggling that these once perky people could not front the happy/perky/funny faces that they once had! Aay… andrama! I just hope this would end soon!